Prayer.

If there's one thing I truly believe in it's the power of prayer. 

For a while I have been getting so frustrated with my life. Why is my perfect job all of a sudden starting to suck? We had a lot of unsuccessful campaigns. My supervisor got demoted. It was just not…good.  Why do I only find interest in guys that are out of state? And consequently don't work out mostly due to the distance? Why am I 27 and not even close to getting married? Why is Matix 5 years old and begging me for a sibling of his own? 

Why? Why? Why?

I'm trying so hard to do my best and be the best mom while also living a single life full of fun and friends and boys galore. Sometimes it's hard to find a balance. And to be honest, I really don't know what that balance should be. Do I focus on my career? Will that interfere with being able to be a good mom? Do I grow up and move out of my parents house? Do I decorate Matix's room the way i want it decorated even though that means buying a queen size bed comforter that most likely go to waste when he downgrades to a twin like most 5 year olds? What do I do with the ridiculous amount of money in my bank account? Is this boy the one that will finally work out? Am I ever going to freaking get married? Do I just need to live my life as if I am never going to get married? Is it a waste of money to move out? Can I do it on my own? These may seem ridiculous but they seriously cross my mind more than I'd like to admit.  I just wish I knew the answer to all of these questions and more.  

I find myself living in the "grass is greener" world all to often.

 I'll be better at this. I'll do better at this. It will be easier when my I becomes a we. 

I finally decided to move to Utah. I had friends begging me. And I couldn't shake the idea. I prayed to Heavenly Father and told him that if something didn't change I was going to move to Utah in January. Two weeks later (I kid you not) the job of my dreams was handed to me on a silver platter and I met a boy in Las Vegas (Henderson, but close enough) that is really cool and started taking me out on dates regularly. (This is the first guy I've dated in Vegas in almost 4 years. Gasp.)

Okay Heavenly Father. I get it. I'm supposed to be here…so I won't move. 

Thank you for the freaking blessings. I really do appreciate them and I will do better and expressing my gratitude for all of the amazing blessings you have given me.

Even though I've lived the single life a lot longer than I ever thought I would…I am grateful for it. I have had some of the most amazing opportunities because of it. I have gone to the most foreign of places because of it. Matix has a freaking rad life and is the coolest little human because of it. My list of best friends is growing out of control because of it. And I date some of the coolest guys in the world that I know have blessed my life just by getting to know them so well….because of it. 

Even though it's hard at times…I am grateful for this time in my life. I know that one day I will look back at my 20's with a smile. I have had some pretty good years and I know that things will only get better. Sure it would be nice to have some more answers. Really nice. But at least I have prayer to lead and guide me to where I'm supposed to be (obviously not Utah!). And that is a really cool thing.