cabinet transformation.

From:

To this:

Holy shiz this only took me two months to finish. Our cabinets are finally white!! I have never done a DIY of this magnitude, and our kitchen is a lot bigger than I realized I think. But it's finally coming together. There are (quite a few) drip mistakes that need to be sanded and redone, but I am just so happy to finally have them back up! Dev went up to Utah for like 10 days after our breakup, so I spent a lot of time over there trying to finish, with lots of help from my family. My parents and sister are the best. We still have some things to fix and the island we want to make a dark grayish color I think. And then we move onto the next project--Painting the walls. (You can kind of see the color we are leaning towards in the first picture) But who knows when anything else will happen at this point in the game. But right now I'm just thrilled to finally be (kind of) done!  And Dev is excited to have a functioning kitchen again! Yay!

the luckiest mom.

Any other day when Matix tries to wake me up before 8, I do anything in my power to get him to go back to sleep or watch cartoons, but on Mother's Day he ran his little bum back into his room (he somehow makes it into my bed most nights, half the time I don't even notice until he ends up snuggling me off my own bed) to grab his big surprise. "Breakfast in a Bag!" He could hardly wait to break it open and feast in the sheets. What a cute preschool teacher he has. I didn't even care that it was before 8, or that the muffins just so happened to be banana nut (i HATE bananas). I happily munched on the least amount I could get away with and truly enjoyed that sweet moment with my not-so-little- little boy. The rest of the morning was filled with lots of hugs and love--Matix is seriously my best friend. He has really been there for me especially with how rough the last few weeks have been on the both of us. He has gotten out of bed just to give me and extra hug when I needed it. Complete with a conversation as follows: 

"Mom, you know I know you wanted a girl."

"Oh, really??"

"Ya, you told me that."

"Well, I did want a girl. Until I got you. Now I'm so happy I got you. I love you so much!!"

"Ya, next time you'll just take whatever you get, huh?"

Or while driving to karate he says:

"Mom, when we get there don't get out until I say so."

When we get there he reminds me, gets out of the car and opens my door 

followed by a "Ladies First."

(Devin's doing and for that I am grateful)

This little boy melts my heart in the best way possible. I am so grateful that he can teach me, love me, and make me laugh for the rest of forever. I sure do adore him--even when he is a brat and refuses to sing to me with the primary on my special day. Good thing he made up for it by giving it his all at his preschool program. 

moving forward.

Three weeks ago, as I stood there in awe watching a band that I had only dreamed of seeing in real life with the man of my dreams holding me tight, he whispered in my ear four little words. Will you marry me? My little heart fluttered, even though it wasn't the real proposal, and he'd playfully said those words before, it all of a sudden felt real and it felt good. Three days later we decided to make it real. We were really going to get married. It's something that we've both been wanting but haven't been able to properly attain, but we finally made the decision to move forward. And I felt good about our decision. And my parents were happy. And I was happy. All I could think about for the next week were dates and photographers and honeymoons. I'd never been so happy.  I finally was going to have my own happily ever after and even if our path didn't look the same as everyone else's it was our path and would be eternal.

And then he changed his mind.

And my heart broke. And it's still breaking. Over and over again, even in this very moment. How could he do this? How could everything we've wanted and worked towards for the last year and four months change overnight? My whole life has broken into a millions pieces these last couple weeks. It doesn't feel real. I am in such denial. I have depended a lot on prayer and have read the Book of Mormon everyday since that sad, sad day. Both of which are things I've always really struggled with. And then Sunday morning my sweet little boy told me how much he loved reading the Book of Mormon with me before church and that he loved all the stories in it. He even asked for it as a bedtime story one night. What a sweet, tender answer to some of my most heartfelt prayers. I am so grateful for that.

Sometimes life throws you a curved ball. Or five. I still don't think this is forever. My fingers and toes are crossed. But this is my reality.. And I have to move forward with my life.



What about the house you ask? We haven't crossed that bridge and I'm still holding onto the hope that we won't have to.

xoxo.

update.

-It's no secret that we are obsessed with roos n' more zoo. well, devin's family got jealous of all the awesome times we had there that they all decided to come visit us, see our house and go to the zoo with us! we all had such a blast!! I seriously love devin's family. we always have such a great time together and they have welcomed me and matix into their family we opened arms. 

-we went and saw my most favoritest band ever, tegan and sara at the cosmopolitan. i can't even tell you how much i loved it. it was the best night ever with some of my best friends.

-then we also got to see the postal service, which was basically a dream. i have loved the postal service since they first came out like 10 years ago...and i finally got to see them! what a treat. 

-i went to the clark county fair with my sister and her kids. devin had to work, which was sad. but we still managed to have a good time with my best bud. the highlight was definitely watching our friend lilly (age 6) ride a sheep (muttin' bustin') she came in 5th place! 

-Matix started karate!! it's twice a week so between that and tee ball i have been bus---yyyy but it has been a fun experience! he's adorable to watch and the disciple and attention it requires has been really good for him.

-my friend natalie got these adorable dino slippers for matix. is he a stud or what?!?! oh my gosh i love this kid more than anything.