I suck at disciplining.

Matix has been peeing his pants lately. I can't really figure out why he is struggling with it so much. He won't stop playing to pee. He won't stop the video game to pee. And we've resorted to Pull-Ups at bedtime in the recent weeks. He's almost 6 years old! What the heck?

Yesterday I took a Sunday afternoon nap and when I went to grab Matix he had peed his pants again while playing a video game. Didn't even budge. He tries to claim he can't feel it but I finally got him to admit that he just is so addicted to the game that he won't pause it to stop and pee. 

I spank his bum, make him change and have a little chat and cll his dad to tell him what happened so he could enforce a punishment since it was time for him to go to his dad's house for a few days. On the call, Matix's dad tells me that he's going to put him in time-out and take video games away. Dad's are good at disciplining. Us mom's just aren't. And guess what my little 5-year old did when I got off that phone call? With his folded little arms he looks at me with almost teary-eyes and says..."Mom, he's right. My dad will make me not pee my pants anymore. He's a professional at it. You need to take away my privileges and put me in time out more. That will work."

Yes. My five year old just said that to me. 

I gave him the biggest hug--

a. Because I am so grateful that I have the world's best kid ever. 

b. Because I didn't know what to think of this little experience. 

I responded with a little spill about how much I love Matix and I know I'm bad a discipling but it's just because I love him so much and I hate getting him in trouble or putting him in time out. It hurts my heart.

His response: 

"Mom you just need to love me a tiny but less and make me get in trouble a tiny bit more or I'm never going to stop peeing my pants."

And just like that, I was again put in my place by my child. He knows that I suck and disciplining and follow through straight up told me how to be a better mom. Most children would use such a flaw to their advantage, but instead I lucked out and he's teaching me how to be a better mom. 

And on the way home from dropping him off I cried like a little baby overwhelmed with feeling of love, and gratitude, and under-qualification, and frustration, and humility. 

This single mom stuff is hard stuff.