replaced.

sometimes we just have to vent.

I have been sick all week. My symptoms are going away, but I still just feel poopy overall. I have been so lazy. I stayed in bed all day thursday, saturday, and sunday. literally. It actually was kind of heavenly. I secretly am the laziest person who ever lived. On second thought, maybe it's not a secret. Anyways...My mom and dad went to the cabin this weekend, and decided to take Matix with them, because a.) I was hosting a birthday p.a.r.t.y at my house saturday night and b.) i was sick. It kinda just worked out. SO of course Sunday night when they got home, I was sooooo excited to see my little booger butt and just wanted to spend time with him. I thought about it all day. When I saw him I was graced with a "Mommmmmmm!!!" and the biggest smile and hug in the world as he ran up to me. He told me about his trip and then I told him to come to my room and snuggle me before bed. We were both sooo excited.

and then he saw Doug.

And everything changed.

We all crawl into bed and Doug grabs a book. Matix doesn't wanna share a pillow with me. Matix doesn't wanna snuggle me. He doesnt want me to read the book. He doesn't even want me to touch him. Nothing. Only with Doug. I am basically dead to him. He does not care about me at all. HIS OWN MOTHER. His flesh and blood. I get upset. I mean really upset. And Doug tries to fix things by getting Matix to hug me or kiss me or anything. {which helps}. He even bribes him into letting me read the book, but he won't budge. Finally we send him to bed, and Doug leaves because I really just don't feel up to hanging out anymore.

Then...Matix woke up in the night and literally cried for Doug all night long! He screamed for a half hour straight until we called Doug (at 1 am). In his sleep he would say "Mom, don't fight with my Dougie." "Mom when's Doug coming back to my house?"

Now I know he is only 2....but I am really bugged. It hurts my heart. I am his mother. He is supposed to love me the most. Doug is great, I get that. And he is sooo good with Matix. But is it so bad that I want my own kid to love me again....instead of just when Doug is not around!?!?!

PS: Then next morning he was back to everything being fine again. And he loved me again. But Still. Am I wrong to feel this way?!